Motivation, lack thereof

I don’t feel like doing anything today. I’m at work, and hence am working, but don’t want to. I don’t want to go to the gym. I don’t want to do homework. I don’t even want to do anything fun. I just want to lie down – on the couch, in the bed, even on the floor and do nothing. Nothing at all. It’s fine if the tv is on, but I honestly wouldn’t mind just lying still and letting the silence lull my mind to sleep.

If I had to do something, I would work on my book. I am nearly finished with rewrite No. 2. Toward the end, I realized a bunch of super important stuff and rewrite No. 3 is going to change the shape of the story tremendously. Hopefully, for the better. But it’s a lot of work and I need to wrap my mind around what I want so that I can shape what I have to fit. I also need to free myself from the idea of “keeping” prose I’ve “worked so hard on” – because if it’s not great and if it doesn’t advance the story, I need to lose it. It doesn’t matter that I spent hours and hours on it – that was part of the process.

Anyway, it’s a lot of work – compounded by the difficulty of working only for an hour or so a couple of days a week. The lack of continuity and focus makes it incredibly difficult to do any sort of high quality writing in a substantial quantity.

Complain, complain. We’ve all got busy lives, I know. I’ll either figure out how to devote more time to writing or I won’t… Shrug!

I am going to go try to organize my thoughts a little better before I get back to website updates, etc. etc.!


Skinny See-Saw

Skinny Jean See-Saw, that is. I bought some. Skinny jeans. They fit. They’re comfortable. They may never leave the confines of my bedroom. As this trend has grown I’ve watched and wondered as women of all shapes and sizes succumbed to the allure of the skinny jean. (Amazing how much more chic “skinny” sounds than “tapered”.) I love how effortless and stylish they look paired with breezy tops or slouchy sweaters. I love the way tall, thin women look even more tall and thin and how petite ladies channel a 60s sassy vibe. Tucked into boots? Topped with a turtleneck? Paired with gladiator sandals? Contrasted with an over-sized buttondown? Yes, yes, yes. But still, I resisted. I feared the shocking contrast between the circumference of my waist, ┬ámy hips, and my ankles. I need a flare – or at the very least, a bootcut, to balance my, errr, womanly shape. I need a wide leg to top a tall heel to lengthen the line of my leg and diminish the aforementioned feminine curves. This is probably all true. Nothing has changed. And yet, I have caved. Skinny jeans may look awful on me. Strangers may question my good taste. Friends may try to kindly steer me toward a different silhouette. But bright ballet flats don’t look nearly as becoming trapped under a waterfall of fabric. So long, wide leg pants. My flats are cute and comfortable and they’ve been waiting for the right pant to show them a good time, to make them feel special, noticed, appreciated. Summer loves – shorts, skirts, capris – have come and gone. They are looking for a romance that will last all winter. I at least owe them one date, you know, to see if their personalities click ; ).

The jeans I bought. Technically they are ‘slim’, not skinny. I am neither so I tend to ignore the word games.


More mini-goals!

1. Big Goals/Small Goals: 1. Lose weight (12 lbs (down from 14!))

Small goal for the week: Keep my daily treat to under 150 calories [except for my cheat meal]

2. Finish 1st revision of my novel.

Small goal for the week: Finish typing edits to chapters 17 and 18 and reexamine the new chapter outline.

3. Finish my grad degree and get into doctoral program.

Decide paper topics and begin outlining/researching.